Try A Forgiveness Challenge Today - And Flourish In The Freedom Of Forgiveness
By Dan F Sheehan
Forgiveness has been shown to be one of the most remarkable things you can do for someone - and for yourself.
Forgiveness not only lifts a burden from the person you feel has wronged you, perhaps even more importantly it frees you from the debilitating negativity that comes from holding onto unpleasant experiences from the past.
Forgiveness gives you a unique freedom from unpleasant emotions and offers yet another way to lead a happy life.
Yet, if forgiveness offers so much, why is it sometimes not so easy for people to do?
Forgiveness Inertia
One of the reasons for our occasional resistance to offering forgiveness is our sense of justice. Believing in a world of right and wrong, and one where there are repercussions for unkind acts, is crucial for our sense of fairness.
While rationally we know that this is sometimes not the case - that sometimes injustices occur unanswered - emotionally we can sometimes find this not so easy to accept.
Of course, never is our sense of justice stronger than when we feel it is ourselves who are being wronged.
The Freedom Of Forgiveness
The most important motivator for overcoming any forgiveness inertia is this - when you forgive someone, the one who benefits the most is you.
The power of forgiveness is not merely in its ability to offer your transgressor a release from any bad feeling, but to release you from generating the bad feeling in the first place.
As with any source of flourishing, the best way to experience the transformational power of forgiveness is to try it for yourself.
Your Forgiveness Challenge
Your Forgiveness Challenge is simple. You will explore ten reasons to forgive someone you previously thought had slighted you in some way. You will find five of the reasons below, and you will discover the remaining five for yourself.
Think of a case from your own life where you feel wronged by someone in some way, and for which you are yet to accept how much better you will feel when you forgive them fully.
Choose an experience that is significant enough to be meaningful, but not one so intense that it's caused any serious pain and disruption in your life (and which may therefore require a more individual approach).
Ideally, give yourself at least thirty minutes to complete this challenge. Find a quiet, comfortable place where you'll not be disturbed. Sit and relax, allowing the muscles in your body to release any residual tautness.
Focus on your breathing for a while, calmly in and out.
Bring your chosen example of a personal injustice to mind slowly. Imagine yourself floating safely above the visualization, so that you can easily replay any aspect of the incident without experiencing any of the negative emotions previously associated with that past incident.
Once you have brought this experience dispassionately back to mind, consider the following reasons to offer the gift of forgiveness to this person - and to yourself.
1. You Experienced This Person At Their Weakest - We are all a blend of strengths and weaknesses, our best selves and sometimes our weakest selves. Consider that at the time of your unpleasant experience with this person, they were probably at their weakest.
They were probably, for that moment, least like the person they want to be. To help them be their best, release them from the memory you have of them being at their weakest. And, if you encounter this person again, you'll see that your act of forgiveness has a powerful effect on that person, on you, and on your relationship.
2. This Person Has Feelings - When we feel someone has wronged us, something interesting happens. Since it takes a lot of energy to sustain negative emotion, people tend to lessen the effort of sustaining their unnatural bitterness by distorting their view of the person. Rather than seeing a transgressor as the complex whole person they are, they become seen as a caricature of unpleasantness, devoid of any redeeming qualities.
Yet, the transgressor is a real person, too - just as we, too, are capable of transgressing others. So, consider the person you have in mind as a whole person, with a wealth of redeeming qualities, and you'll soon begin to naturally dismantle the negativity that resists forgiveness.
3. Forgiveness Focuses On The Positive - One of the most powerful mindsets for transforming your life into one of happiness and flourishing is understanding that you can choose how you want to be.
You can choose the kind of world that you live in. You can choose how you perceive every experiecne and every relationship in your life. By choosing to forgive someone, you are making a broader statement about your perspective on life. You are powerfully asserting that, in your world, forgiveness wins over bitterness, optimism prevails over negativity - in your world, happiness rules.
4. This Person Has Given You The Opportunity To Grow - Although it may not have been their intention, your transgressor has ultimately offered you a chance to grow as a person - if you are willing to take the opporunity. The skills that we develop to nurture a life of flourishing and happiness are generative. The more we use our skills, the more we master them, and skills we use in one area of our lives nourish different skills in other areas of our lives.
What this means is that, when we choose to forgive someone, we are nurturing a generative skill which boosts the other positive skills and attributes we have in all areas of our lives.
When we forgive, we grow.
5. Forgiveness Is Freedom - Ultimately, the best reason for us to forgive is that it represents freedom. Why? Well, because it represents a conscious choice.
Being the good yet flawed individuals that we are, it is all too easy to embrace the bitterness instinct from the moment we feel wronged by someone, and to cling on to that negativity for as long as we can. Yet, the act of forgiveness represents the ultimate source of all that makes us happy - choice.
Forgiveness is an alternative to what may appear to be the only response to feeling wronged. When you forgive, not only are you freeing your transgressor - and yourself - from carrying the burden of negative emotions, you are exercising the most powerful skill that you have to shape your world, and your life, in the way that you want.
You are choosing how you want to be.
Now that you have five reasons to forgive someone, you can think of five more of your own.
Make a note of your own, personal five reasons - and more, if you think of them - and embrace your Forgiveness Challenge whenever the opportunity arises.
Freedom and happiness await!
Happy flourishing.
By Dan F Sheehan
Forgiveness has been shown to be one of the most remarkable things you can do for someone - and for yourself.
Forgiveness not only lifts a burden from the person you feel has wronged you, perhaps even more importantly it frees you from the debilitating negativity that comes from holding onto unpleasant experiences from the past.
Forgiveness gives you a unique freedom from unpleasant emotions and offers yet another way to lead a happy life.
Yet, if forgiveness offers so much, why is it sometimes not so easy for people to do?
Forgiveness Inertia
One of the reasons for our occasional resistance to offering forgiveness is our sense of justice. Believing in a world of right and wrong, and one where there are repercussions for unkind acts, is crucial for our sense of fairness.
While rationally we know that this is sometimes not the case - that sometimes injustices occur unanswered - emotionally we can sometimes find this not so easy to accept.
Of course, never is our sense of justice stronger than when we feel it is ourselves who are being wronged.
The Freedom Of Forgiveness
The most important motivator for overcoming any forgiveness inertia is this - when you forgive someone, the one who benefits the most is you.
The power of forgiveness is not merely in its ability to offer your transgressor a release from any bad feeling, but to release you from generating the bad feeling in the first place.
As with any source of flourishing, the best way to experience the transformational power of forgiveness is to try it for yourself.
Your Forgiveness Challenge
Your Forgiveness Challenge is simple. You will explore ten reasons to forgive someone you previously thought had slighted you in some way. You will find five of the reasons below, and you will discover the remaining five for yourself.
Think of a case from your own life where you feel wronged by someone in some way, and for which you are yet to accept how much better you will feel when you forgive them fully.
Choose an experience that is significant enough to be meaningful, but not one so intense that it's caused any serious pain and disruption in your life (and which may therefore require a more individual approach).
Ideally, give yourself at least thirty minutes to complete this challenge. Find a quiet, comfortable place where you'll not be disturbed. Sit and relax, allowing the muscles in your body to release any residual tautness.
Focus on your breathing for a while, calmly in and out.
Bring your chosen example of a personal injustice to mind slowly. Imagine yourself floating safely above the visualization, so that you can easily replay any aspect of the incident without experiencing any of the negative emotions previously associated with that past incident.
Once you have brought this experience dispassionately back to mind, consider the following reasons to offer the gift of forgiveness to this person - and to yourself.
1. You Experienced This Person At Their Weakest - We are all a blend of strengths and weaknesses, our best selves and sometimes our weakest selves. Consider that at the time of your unpleasant experience with this person, they were probably at their weakest.
They were probably, for that moment, least like the person they want to be. To help them be their best, release them from the memory you have of them being at their weakest. And, if you encounter this person again, you'll see that your act of forgiveness has a powerful effect on that person, on you, and on your relationship.
2. This Person Has Feelings - When we feel someone has wronged us, something interesting happens. Since it takes a lot of energy to sustain negative emotion, people tend to lessen the effort of sustaining their unnatural bitterness by distorting their view of the person. Rather than seeing a transgressor as the complex whole person they are, they become seen as a caricature of unpleasantness, devoid of any redeeming qualities.
Yet, the transgressor is a real person, too - just as we, too, are capable of transgressing others. So, consider the person you have in mind as a whole person, with a wealth of redeeming qualities, and you'll soon begin to naturally dismantle the negativity that resists forgiveness.
3. Forgiveness Focuses On The Positive - One of the most powerful mindsets for transforming your life into one of happiness and flourishing is understanding that you can choose how you want to be.
You can choose the kind of world that you live in. You can choose how you perceive every experiecne and every relationship in your life. By choosing to forgive someone, you are making a broader statement about your perspective on life. You are powerfully asserting that, in your world, forgiveness wins over bitterness, optimism prevails over negativity - in your world, happiness rules.
4. This Person Has Given You The Opportunity To Grow - Although it may not have been their intention, your transgressor has ultimately offered you a chance to grow as a person - if you are willing to take the opporunity. The skills that we develop to nurture a life of flourishing and happiness are generative. The more we use our skills, the more we master them, and skills we use in one area of our lives nourish different skills in other areas of our lives.
What this means is that, when we choose to forgive someone, we are nurturing a generative skill which boosts the other positive skills and attributes we have in all areas of our lives.
When we forgive, we grow.
5. Forgiveness Is Freedom - Ultimately, the best reason for us to forgive is that it represents freedom. Why? Well, because it represents a conscious choice.
Being the good yet flawed individuals that we are, it is all too easy to embrace the bitterness instinct from the moment we feel wronged by someone, and to cling on to that negativity for as long as we can. Yet, the act of forgiveness represents the ultimate source of all that makes us happy - choice.
Forgiveness is an alternative to what may appear to be the only response to feeling wronged. When you forgive, not only are you freeing your transgressor - and yourself - from carrying the burden of negative emotions, you are exercising the most powerful skill that you have to shape your world, and your life, in the way that you want.
You are choosing how you want to be.
Now that you have five reasons to forgive someone, you can think of five more of your own.
Make a note of your own, personal five reasons - and more, if you think of them - and embrace your Forgiveness Challenge whenever the opportunity arises.
Freedom and happiness await!
Happy flourishing.
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