Every Problem Is Minor, Unless It's Yours
So to start out with I'll talk about something that has been on my mind a lot recently, and its not something you hear about a lot, what is it?
It's Empathy.
em·pa·thy
noun
"the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another. "
Seems overly scientific, basically it's just we feel what others feel without being in their situation, sounds easy? Well... no
The thing is a lot of people minimize others problems and consider them small and insignificant, its only when that same problem happens to us that we realize just how bad and painful it can be.
Ever had someone come to you with a problem that you just found ridiculous? Or seemed like such a small tiny affair to you? And what do we all say in those situations?
"Oh it will be fine, I'm sure it will pass, just be patient, relax, don't get mad, it will all work out I'm sure."
We like to think we are helping people by saying that, but we're not, we like to think we're being nice and empathic, but we're not. We are simply going through the motions and words we "think" they want to hear, because they are the easy thing to say, its just simpler to provide meaningless advice and problem-solving solutions than to to just sit and be quiet and actually listen.
We aren't feeling what they are, or doing anything useful, all we're doing is telling them the same crap everyone else is saying, stuff they already know. So what exactly should we do?
Honestly, I find the best thing to do is be quiet and actually try to imagine what they're feeling, I haven't been in their situation but I have been hurt before, so we should all try to offer less problem solving suggestions and more plain listening and understanding.
Everyone has their issues just like you do, and just like you their issues are big problems that depress them, next time a friend comes to you with their heart broken and feelings bared, do them a favor and help by listening to them, not by telling them " time heals all wounds" because believe me someone else has done that, what other people haven't done yet is be quiet and hear them out and let them say all they have to say. That is the biggest help we can provide sometimes.
So to start out with I'll talk about something that has been on my mind a lot recently, and its not something you hear about a lot, what is it?
It's Empathy.
em·pa·thy
noun
"the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another. "
Seems overly scientific, basically it's just we feel what others feel without being in their situation, sounds easy? Well... no
The thing is a lot of people minimize others problems and consider them small and insignificant, its only when that same problem happens to us that we realize just how bad and painful it can be.
Ever had someone come to you with a problem that you just found ridiculous? Or seemed like such a small tiny affair to you? And what do we all say in those situations?
"Oh it will be fine, I'm sure it will pass, just be patient, relax, don't get mad, it will all work out I'm sure."
We like to think we are helping people by saying that, but we're not, we like to think we're being nice and empathic, but we're not. We are simply going through the motions and words we "think" they want to hear, because they are the easy thing to say, its just simpler to provide meaningless advice and problem-solving solutions than to to just sit and be quiet and actually listen.
We aren't feeling what they are, or doing anything useful, all we're doing is telling them the same crap everyone else is saying, stuff they already know. So what exactly should we do?
Honestly, I find the best thing to do is be quiet and actually try to imagine what they're feeling, I haven't been in their situation but I have been hurt before, so we should all try to offer less problem solving suggestions and more plain listening and understanding.
Everyone has their issues just like you do, and just like you their issues are big problems that depress them, next time a friend comes to you with their heart broken and feelings bared, do them a favor and help by listening to them, not by telling them " time heals all wounds" because believe me someone else has done that, what other people haven't done yet is be quiet and hear them out and let them say all they have to say. That is the biggest help we can provide sometimes.
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